Originally posted on SINGLES AND MARRIED
Message by Pastor Kunle Osunkunle
(President, Single and Married Ministries, The Fountain of Life Church, Lagos, Nigeria)
The word “single” means unique, whole, separate and complete.
It is important for us to realize that when God created man, He made them as singles. He made them male and female. He never created them married as husband and wife. Man’s creation brought perfection to the earth and his existence on earth made all things good in God’s sight.
Genesis 2:18-25. God will only bring various opportunities your way, but it is your free-will to make a choice. God will never violate this. You can only involve Him in you decision-making and allow Him to be your influence.
If He created you as a single first, then, there is a purpose to that. Until you fulfill your purpose as a single, I strongly advise you not to get married.
If singleness does not have a purpose, I believe God would have created us as married pairs. The best way to get blessed is to be a blessing and naturally your blessings will find or locate you.
Don’t be desperate, and while not being desperate, don’t be idle.
It is good to settle down, but if you are not settled on the inside of you, you cannot settle down. Therefore, you need to first of all get settled on the inside with God and His Spirit; in order to settle down in marriage successfully.
Man is full of unique gifts, given by God. Singleness is a time to maximally use these God-given gifts in you, which make you unique, in order to bring out your uniqueness, make you whole, separate or distinct and complete in Him; even while being a single.
When the purpose of a thing is not known, abuse is inevitable. If you short-circuit the process of singleness, there will be a problem in marriage.
Many people don’t know the purpose of singleness, therefore, they have abused it; by getting involve in premarital sex (and other sexual immorality), drugs, wrong friendship, wild party, gangsterism, and other social disorders or disorientation.
The purpose of your existence is not intrinsically marriage, else our Lord Jesus Christ and Paul, the Apostle did not fulfill purpose on earth. Hence, have a re-think on your existence.
Due to high anticipation of marriage, a lot of people keep looking into the future and neglect the present. So, people concentrate on the future so much that they never lived their present.
The actions of the present translate into evidences of the future. Enjoy where you are on your way to where you are going.
No man has ever lived in the future. You are continuously living in the present. So, make the present meaningful. What you do with your singleness which is now is very important.
Faith is always in the NOW, but hope is in the future. If your faith (present) is defective, your future (hope) will never be realized.
What you do with your singleness (single life) will determine the level of your happiness in when you get married (that is, marriage).
There is a method for relationship and marriage, stop struggling and seek knowledge. Today is a gift or present, how do you want to treat it? Many have concentrated so much on the future that when the future eventually comes, it will not want to desire them (or the future will not be desirable to them.
A man who gets married to a lady because of her beauty or shape and the likes is like buying a coke simply because of the bottle. Can you buy a mansion because of the colour? Many concentrate on what they want and thus, forget what is necessary now. If you worry about what might be (in the future) and wonder on what has been (in the past); you will of course ignore what it is now (in the present). If you keep living in the future, you will never get your desires. Then, this will result to FRUSTRATION. Little wonder there are many singles who are frustrated. They have tried severally but failed woefully, and now they are desperate. When you are desperate, you are prone to make sub-optimum and poor choices which will result to regrets, unhappiness and loneliness.
Therefore, if you pursue purpose and meaningfulness as you pursue marriage (future) now, your life will be more fulfilling and you will touch other lives too. Thereby, you become a blessing.
Here, Adam was pursuing the purpose of his life, tending the garden God gave him and obeying His will. He was not pursuing marriage at all. He never considered marriage because; he was consumed with purpose, that is, God’s work. But, God realized he was alone.
When you pursue the work God has given to you, God will interrupt your life and introduce your life partner, the right suitor to you. You don’t need to struggle with marital issue, only get busy with your purpose and God’s work.
The kind of spouse or partner you desire starts from your mouth. Some people need to begin by working first on their mouth. Verse 20 says, “A man’s stomach is satisfied by the produce of his lips.” You need to start to say the right things you desire. Relationship and marriage is more of giving. What you don’t have, you can’t give. Fill your heart with great and lovely things.
Singleness is a time to work and fill one’s heart with good things. If you want a good partner, you need to ask yourself if you are good person. You need to ask yourself if you worth being someone’s husband or wife, father or mother, in-law or friend.
You must ensure that you are spiritually, emotionally, physically and intellectually sound. Can you imagine marrying a shallow person? “Deep calleth unto deep.” The decision of the person you date or marry depends on the level of your spirituality at the time when you make the decision.
You need to understand that, there are beautiful witches and handsome devils. Don’t marry simply because of beauty or handsomeness. This could be a deceit. None of this is a fruit of the Spirit. What you do during your single state determines whether you will become a man or woman or rather a boy or girl later in life. Marriage is for a man and a woman, not for a boy and a girl. Maturity is defined here by the way you think not necessarily by age. There are some aged men and women that think like a teenager. Such are not matured.
Marriage is for two matured people, a man and a woman.
God desires that we have a great and fulfilled married life. But first, He wants us to have a fulfilled single life. It is when you are in purpose that God will interject you and bring your spouse your way. Many have abandoned God and made marriage desire their god. Therefore, they are miserable now. Your spouse cannot give you happiness, joy, comfort, peace, and so on. Only God can. That is why you should depend solely on Him, not on any mortal.
Marriage cannot solve your aloneness syndrome. It is possible you are in a relationship or married and yet feel alone in the relationship or the union.
Most singles move away from what they are to what they are not and in the long run, they become fakes and put on false identities. Can you imagine if two fake people get married? They will become a fake virus. Therefore, don’t lose your individuality or value because of the desire for marriage.
Be bold and confident of where you are on your way to where you are going to. Develop the person you are on the inside. Celebrate your uniqueness (what makes you different from others). Monotony kills interests; variety is the spice of life. We cannot be the same. Never!
God celebrates singleness, so celebrate it too now that you are a single. Celebrating singleness is about understanding your individuality and maximizing it to God’s glory.
Relationship is as good as what you and your partner bring into it. That is why the understanding of your destiny and identity (who you are) is very important. The devil has always been contending with our identity (as a single) and purpose in life. When you compromise your identity, you lose your purpose. When you get your identity confused, you will get your blessings confused and misplaced as well. The devil will test your wholeness, uniqueness and gifts while being single and even in marriage. Many fell into temptations because they don’t understand their uniqueness and gifts.
Jesus understood His identity a single in the Word of God. When the devil came to Him in the wilderness, He said to him, “It is written…” Luke 4:4a, 8a.
A man is as holy as what he wants not what he wishes.
As a single person, you cannot play with God’s word. After the devil successfully confuses people, they then decide for marriage in their confused state. Little wonder we have lots of divorces today. When two confused people get married, they build a confused home.
If you don’t know who you are, what will you give someone else you are intending to spend the rest of your life with? The best thing a confused person can give is confusion.
Ladies, make sure you know a guy’s focus in life before you relate intimately with him and then, decide for marriage; because you will have to submit to him in marriage. Imagine you submitting to a confused man in marriage.
It is important to refine your identity. Don’t marry an empty man, because absolutely nobody will fill you in marriage. Singleness is a time to fill yourself to an overflow in God by the help of the Holy Spirit.
Your marriage is going to be as successful as your singleness. Many people are just getting to know each other in marriage, when they should have discussed as to knowing each other, they were busy playing around. They get to start to do courtship in marriage.
Your single state is very important, get this right. A question all intending partners must answer before knotting the tie and saying “Yes I do!” is this: “Why do I want to get married?”
Finally, know the right reasons for marriage. May God help you to be fulfilled as a single now and in your marriage in Jesus’ name.